Pump it up
Yes, I know I’ve been pretty quiet lately. That’s usually a practice of self-preservation when things get a little too tough or maddening in some cases. It’s not easy when you feel like you’re being held hostage, or your privacy has been betrayed, or your deepest aspirations are crushed, and those who say they care still can’t respect your wishes. All that with a crushing amount of unknowns and you have quite a mental case to deal with.
But sometimes it takes that last straw as they say when a combination of poor communication and/or incompetence puts a halt into your life going forward. Like once before, when I felt that a key figure in your main-line of care doesn’t care, somebody has to take charge and once it again it had to be me when nobody else would.
Unfortunately despite the stellar knowledge and care of my doctor at UC was horribly mishandled by a portion of his staff and I had to wash my hands of that relationship. I’m now fully under the care of those at the Hansen Center in Batesville. I came in with MY educated decisions and presented them to my new oncologist and team, and without any further objections and with a few adjustments I began a new regimen today in a second phase of controlling my disease. The infusions were many and I even went home with a infusion pump I have to wear for 46 hours. That all really sucks in a way, but taking action and moving forward is way more important than how and what needs to be done to continue knocking down those odds. This new regimen will repeat every other week.
The timing and the ability to go forward still has the utmost importance as the possibility of time always being compromised is there, and goals, a/k/a travels, are still the priority. I can’t make plans if I don’t know what my treatment windows are, and I’m itching to go.
If all goes well, despite some significant logistical issues I have to absorb, the last 6 of the bottom 48 states will be conquered at the end of the month through the 4th of July holiday. In the meantime have to see how the overall reaction of my first treatment goes, but I fully expect to commit to the trip within the next few days.
Another development it seems bittersweet to share is my loathing of gimmicky patriotism especially by the continued gross efforts of Budweiser feeding their brainwashed customers into supporting a $50 billion, non-American, multi-national corporation that profited $10 billion dollars last year into drinking a shitty beer to feel more ‘American’. Upon further research it turns out many of the ‘German’ beers are also owned by the same greedy company. My beer list just a got a lot slimmer, and I don’t care how much my beer is subsidized or is tied into my local hometown festival my attendance of the annual Freudenfest is likely in protest. Between the judging and almost seemingly job-like need to be present in the right places to force awkward conversation doesn’t seem so desirable this year. I may just have a party at my place for those who want to swing by to either get away or see me before or after in a more comfortable and ‘German’ setting that serves quality over quantity. You know who you are. 🙂
There has obviously been some animosity and tension in my life that has hindered some relationships and events lately, but no matter how much cancer wants to keep me down I will not give my principles up nor will I submit my independence until I simply have no other choice.
So there is your long-overdue update. See ya when and wherever I see ya!