There’s always going to be people that try to hold you back from your dreams. And you have to do what’s in your heart because you only have one life to live and if you go around listening to what everyone else is and you don’t listen to yourself; then you’re going to end up being a very unhappy person. So I believe you should go for it. You know everything needs to be fought out, and you need to make sure you’re making smart decisions along the way. But ultimately you have to do what’s in your heart.
Some night/mornings like the last I find myself wide awake and the dumb box helps me go back to sleep, usually. Sometimes a little something has some substance. This was an interview in regards to Ali’s death. Obligatory breaking news and continuous coverage will be in our midst for the next few days even on the 24 hour Trump channels. Maybe. But that quote struck me. I had to rewind, record, and dictate till I got it close as possible to what she said.
Yeah, she. That was via an interview with Matt Lauer in regards to the upcoming summer olympics with Muhammad’s daughter, Laila, a couple weeks ago. The agreement she had to make with her father to box against his wishes and going into her professional career (recently retired) undefeated. She carried his traits that made him famous; not only the athletic talent, but the courage and inspiration that made them fearless. We all apt to often to live our lives in fear. I contemplate a lot when I’m on the road like my most recent trip to Utah. I wonder why we don’t ride the edge a little closer, go a little faster (when it matters between destinations, and slower when you’re inside a National Park, jerks?), seek a little more, hold back too much. Never leave the bubble we were born in. Ever see pictures from space, the moon, those explorers who saw our little blue dot who went to the farthest edges of our species? They are/were not afraid and look where they landed? We’re afraid we might get stopped, might get lost, might miss the mail, or I’ll do it later. I don’t want to get a fine, or I don’t want to die.
We cannot die unless we live.
I haven’t written much in any form lately. My past several weeks I’ve been what I call ‘nesting’. Something I’m unfamiliar with and is new to me. I think it’s a natural part of acceptance of tying everything up in a pretty little bow or at least having a glimpse for a brief moment of what I always wanted in life. A real home with all the comforts and happiness I can dream of. I’m enjoying it. Maybe too much.
With recent developments my perspective again goes into high gear. It’s about maximum value. More time seeing, doing, loving, and sharing as long as I can once again whether it be a few short months or years. I noted in my appointment the other day that I just wanted quality for the future, but I’ve gotten greedy in the past 18 months, yes, it’s been 18 months!, that now I want more, as in time quantity. In a world when/where anything is possible. I’m still neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a realist. I understand the reality but talk about gold standards and buying time. I still have eight states to see. Once I get my next chemo plan figured out I anticipate to be flying/driving again to the extreme points of exhaustion for most, let alone someone who now looks down into a gorge in the middle of a remote canyon and wonder that there is no way I can make it back up?
I keep going down the hill. Vertical up and down climbs of perhaps 100’s of feet in the gorgeous desert for a few days. Who or what’s in my mind as I slowly, but surely make my way as people pass me both of ways me all alone by myself if I’m OK?
My Mom. I had to put my own words that I shared with her in my own head. “One step at a time” for one. And “Wanting tomorrow will get me through this day”. I’ve met and meet so many obstacles along the way whether it be right here trying to adjust a medication to be more active, less active, or recently a little less sick or attempting to walk or drive a little farther in the middle of a place I’ve never been before. “Are you, OK?” is very common question I receive these days. Just happened a few minutes ago. Batesville.
I still have not designed nor purchased a shirt that says, “I’m not dead, yet”. I’ve yet to fully live so I’m not ready yet to fully die.
I’ve had yet to perfect, cookies, bread, or pitch a shutout in my mind. I’ve yet to purposefully tie a knot though I’ve created what as seemed like a million accidental ones.
I need to at least cross another half ocean. Yet I didn’t feel like walking to the farmer’s market a few blocks away today. 🙂
Stop living in fear.
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given, than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. — Muhammad Ali