The place where I come from is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me
I’m smarter than that
I worked it out
I’ve been stretching my mouth
To let those big words come right out
I’ve had enough, I’m getting out
To the city, the big big city
I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys
There’s so much stuff I will own
And I will pray to a big god
As I kneel in the big church
I’m on my way-I’m making it
Big time big time
I’ve got to make it show yeah
Big time big time
So much larger than life
I’m going to watch it growing
My parties all have big names
And I greet them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big adventure
And always they’re amazed
When I show them ’round my house, to my bed
I had it made like a mountain range
With a snow-white pillow for my big fat head
And my heaven will be a big heaven
And I will walk through the front door
Big Time – Peter Gabriel
This song was released January 1987 when I was in the 7th grade. I dreamt of living in the big big city; like Indy, Cincinnati, or even Chicago! I lived in two of the three and leaped frog another. I realized some years ago that I reached the pinnacle of my childhood dreams. I lived by listening to, photographing, and even playing a little music. Now I’m writing a book using big words. And I admittedly own a lot of shit. I need to get rid of a lot of it. And maybe soon.
Come full circle despite my good fortunes turning my way again it’s inevitable that I’ll be moving back to my hometown where it all began in the next few months. Though I’ll miss the ‘big noise with all the big boys’ there is a comfort and duty back home. Family trumps most of the things I have left here. Even the 130 year old brick in my apartment, with my snowy window, and all of the gems and treasures within a walk or bus ride away doesn’t compete. I’ve almost done it all here.
Writing a book puts all this in perspective. Running through the pages of your own history book. Leaving a legacy behind is not easy feat, even if I can write like a 1,000 words an hour. It hurts almost with each keystroke that the place I couldn’t wait to get away from is back on my horizon. But as you can tell from my travels in the past year, most weekends are spent there. I’ve always said live where you need to be. I still need to be here once a week or so for my treatments (upon further research it appears infusion isn’t available in Batesville), but I’m needed in Batesville – so that’s where I’m heading in the next few months. Fortunately it offers so much more than it did 25-30 years ago. Many great restaurants, a coffee shop, music at the library, and things it has always offered that I had taken for granted. Aside from logistics that will need to be managed, ‘I’m on my way – I’m makin’ it’.
Chapters in our lives are created every day. Writing about them is just seemingly a snapshot of all of those days full of energy, love, heartache, roads, paths, and inevitably a wall we can’t and will not get past. Writing about it allows me to paint that front door, oasis, mountain, or sea to walk into or through as the sun sets. Maybe that’s what I’ll paint, a sunset. It sounds very fitting. More so than a front door.
This life is heaven. I don’t require or need anything beyond it. It can’t be topped. Got it?