Those frustrating days
As I’m sitting in the Cancer Center for the 14 month in a row there are days like today that get a bit frustrating. Usually I walk in and have my labs done in like 15 minutes. The labs techs work with finesse. They are prepared, work quickly, and that’s even with a fair amount of chit chat to make the process a little easier. Not today.
Ugh, two weeks ago, and worse today I had like a 40-60 minute wait. This delays the whole process for the rest of the afternoon. The labs results come back later, the drugs get ordered later, the chemo begins later, and you leave much later. On a good day I’m here about 3 hours. Days like today it may turn into a 5 hour affair.
It brought me back though to a year or so ago when I was left in the waiting room for hours alone for hours. I had been there from early in the morning and it was getting late in the afternoon. It just all compounded till I finally lost it and began crying in the waiting room. It’s gotten much better for me with expectations and things usually going more smoothly, but back then early on in this journey it was still very frightening, and doing it alone was terrifying. I can’t remember who it was but a patient advocte finally came out and gave me her card to report my issues.
The people you seem to need the most here are the least accessible. I need guidance about a number of issues, but I feel neglected at times or I’m here on the wrong day. Always something. This month has some critical needs that needs addressed for my future well being. Otherwise I’ll be in dire straits.
I was in Indianapolis for 4 years, and 4 months. I was in Milwaukee for 4 years and 3 months. I’ve been in Cincinnati for 4 years. See a pattern here? Depending on the outcome of events this month I could be in Batesville in two months. That would make Cincy 4 years, and 2 months. I don’t want to leave. It wasn’t supposed to end this way, but it’s on the horizon, even though the prospect of having family nearby makes it all worth it.
I didn’t go out for Mardi Gras last night. I had misunderstood some times and I ate an early dinner before realizing my mistake. By them I got enveloped in a project and began watching the NH primary results. I was stuck, plus it took me an hour to put a 2.5mm screw back into its proper place. I like working on computers too much. Also it was cold outside, not New Orleans warm!
There are a lot of terrifying things going on for me at the moment. So many things need to be resolved. I get answers too slowly. Once again I should only have one thing in my mind and that is telling the disease inside of me that I’m in charge, but everyone else thinks that part of your life doesn’t matter. You’re a human slave, their property, until THEY say so. That’s the difference of modern times. You’re not their teammate or human, you are part of the bottom line.
By Social Security standards I am disabled now. When am I free?