For at least the second time in the past few months I was commanded to keep writing. The first time, via Reba, inspired me to write daily and my cousin Angie reiterated yesterday the same message. So despite being so tired I can barely keep one eye open I’m writing.
I didn’t sleep well last night probably from the steroids I’m getting used to again to avoid the dreaded chemo crash. I gave in and had an early breakfast in hopes of maybe feeling like napping after calming my needs. Instead I remained awake, had another round of breakfast and coffee in hopes of leaving sleep behind and heading to the library to at least read. After a shower and a warm Skywalk trek I arrived at my destination to read. I did quite well until not only the drowsiness set in, but one of the usual side effects setting in too. I have side effects from the chemo usually, it’s just a matter of which ones will show up on a given week. This weeks episode required the preferred comforts of home. Since I was dozing off in the comfy leather chair of the library I figured I better take off before I passed out completely. And I took the frozen walk home in hopes of getting a second wind. It apparently worked or I wouldn’t have the power to type now.
Also, even though I will never get a long term benefit out of it, I bought a Powerball ticket on the way home. My 50 state list could turn into 50 countries with that little boost, haha, and I can charter a plane to take you all with me too. 🙂
I’m trying to finish reading one last book before taking on my own. Already I’ve been writing the first paragraphs in my head, which chapters I want to construct, what graphics I want to help guide my readers, and figure out why, how, and who would want to even publish or read my book. It is first and foremost for my benefit, therapy, but grander hopes of something bigger and beyond my dreams would be a welcome surprise. I may not even see the end results of my work.
I also thought awhile ago how many things I don’t talk or write about. The physical and emotional needs I’m lacking that I want to seek, but it seems a subconscious fear is keeping me from reaching out. Too personal to really open up about it, but I at least wanted to bring it to the surface even if I have to be vague. I shouldn’t be afraid of anything at this point in my life and all I keep thinking about despite my ‘card dealt to me’ is I’m so fortunate to still be here and everyday beyond my initial prognosis is miraculous.
The elements almost kept me at bay this morning, but I carried on. I dropped $40 this morning I really don’t have as a backup this morning in case I let the elements win. I’ll write more about that later in case I run out of things to keep writing about. 😉
Till then, warm thoughts (and sweats) abound.