With being faced with a second caffeine high in the past 12 hours I’ve had a lot of time of to reflect about a recurring theme that I have seemed to write about or refer to in the past few days or weeks. Something so simple yet with the utmost importance to our life – light.
My most recent post, the video of Tom Waits reciting Bukowski refers to light as a path to hope and also a way to create it. We are all bearers and seekers of this ‘light’.
For being ‘a natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible’ or ‘understanding of a problem or mystery’; light by definition is both a physical and emotional need that I believe is the root of our existence.
From the moment that light blinds us from exiting the womb till the moment we are met with eternal darkness we seek for the sun to rise and await for the new day for it to come again to begin anew. We long for longer days, and crouch at the shorter days to the point where we wonder why didn’t evolve to hibernate like bears.
But while the physical needs are essential to growth to the ecosystem that feeds and guides us through the darkness the emotional need of that light is just as essential. A lot of the reading, exploring, and reflection I’ve done in the past several months as apparently taught me the importance of this side of the coin.
I remember when I moved to Indy back in the summer of 2003 on fumes. I’ve had a lot of difficult transitions in my life, but it was undoubtedly one of the hardest. I remember one time I had to break down and call my parents pretty much balling, my mom being alarmed enough to even place my dad on the other phone scared about how in the heck I was going to make it, and though money was probably part of the conversation I clearly remember telling them how despite my conundrum I was going to a show at The Mel and figured by just drinking a Coke and paying the cover I may only spend about $5. The importance of spending that $5 was about my new cathedral, and why I moved to ‘greener pastures’. It was about finding my light through music and hoping to share that light with others.
In a conversation I had yesterday that in retrospect was truncated, I was getting to the point in how I have always wanted to write more. My intentions in the Indy music scene wasn’t to photograph musicians which ended up being my legacy there, but to promote it through writing. My first endeavors in Indy was submitting show reviews. The first was accepted, the second was rejected because there wasn’t an accompanied photograph. Enter trading a guitar for digital camera after feeling snubbed and the rest is history. I shared literally a lot of light in Indy via all those photographs, but now in the end I wish I would have written what those pictures had to say. How simply the feelings exchanged between the musicians and the audience was a religious experience on a good night. The adjectives would be endless. ‘Oozing’ could/would be used in so many ways. Thats how I want to remember it.
Light to me is also equal to love. Love makes us shine, and love shines so brightly. It burns, and sometimes it’s a fast exploding burn that blinds us. A temporary lust for life in the awe of the moment like fireworks or a shooting star. Capture it for its fleeting presence. Then there is that slow burn, that long lasting forever love. It holds you, binds you, and comforts you to the point you feel whole. Our goal is to gain and maintain this through life. At times we lack it and it’s the most lonely feeling in the world, but when it finds you, surrounds you, and leads you it’s magical.
That’s the kind of light I’ve seemed to been lacking in aspects of my life that has kept me either on my toes or in despair for most of my life, but I have seemed to be more exposed to it now perhaps since my perspective has changed in the past year. Sometimes it’s not the faults of others for your well being and the shadow you live in that blocks the light, it’s your window.
When you lift the shades of darkness, light will descend upon you.