Feeling Anxious

So yes I missed a blog yesterday. I felt more inspired 5 minutes into the day than I did throughout the main part of the day. I slept in late, I got a good mid-afternoon nap on top of that, and then I watched football and shared some gifts and dinner with the family. It was a good day.

I had to share a little honesty though unfortunately. That I was having weird things happening to my body that was reminiscent to my pre-diagnosis day. A pit in my stomach, weak appetite, weird hiccups/gasps, and a difficult time staying warm. As I said goodbye to my sister yesterday, and my dad this morning I warned them I was concerned about my marker numbers today and the scan coming up next week.

Today, for the first time since I was diagnosed, the numbers went UP rather significantly. The two red flags my doctor warned me about, appetite change and those markers going up, are on the cusp of going the wrong way. I won’t see my oncologist for a couple weeks yet to get more definitive answers.

This is “the switch” I’ve been fearing. I’m afraid of what has possibly gone ‘wild’.

I am still hoping that it lowers and or stabilizes next month, and maybe the scan will be good so I can have that big window to look into again. But at the moment it’s a pretty long dark tunnel I’m peaking into.

Like Dad had said on his way out, at least you’ll have someone with you there today if you get bad news. I’m certainly grateful he (bro-in-law, Cy) was there today despite probably changing the dynamic of our conversation. It was good nonetheless.

So, feeling like a downer today, but that’s reality at the moment. I’ll keep on hoping if you do.

About jeffbedel

Indiana native that moved to Cincinnati in January 2012. Former trivia host, beer snob, foodie, non-conformist.

Posted on December 21, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. thinking about today. hang in there! there is always a little hope that goes a long ways. It was good to get a card from you on Saturday. take care.

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