Frightening and Bittersweet
A mere five days short of one year since my diagnosis a significant part of my fight has (at least temporarily) ended. Work.
As I walked out of the office today I wasn’t jumping up and clicking my heals by any means. Even though I’m going on short-term disability I have to worry a bit not only about less income, but if and when it will come. Even though the stresses of the job I hope will subside some of my related health issues of late all I keep thinking about is I had to give up.
In regards to those health issues I did get good news today. I’ve had swelling especially in my left leg over the past month or two. They looked for a clot. Nothing. I suspected congestive heart failure given some of my other symptoms. Though a blood test showed some suspicions that diagnosis could be true, an echo earlier this week found no abnormalities in my heart! Yes, the swelling is still a mystery, but I have a lot of mysteries to solve. The other, and the worst part of this post, is every treatment over the past couple months has really taken me down. Two weeks ago I was in bed for 20 straight hours. Last night it was 14+ hours. So given all of these developments after seemingly having none to slight issues from the chemotherapy I have to take some time out and see if it’s just simply more rest and less stress will help me recover from chemo and not take me down as it has lately. If not, what can help me?
So I’m taking at least a month off with full intention of going on disability if approved in the first few months of the new year. And then, as I had said all along if I stopped working, my tenure in Cincinnati will be coming to a close as well. Not only will affordability likely be an issue, but I want to be near family back In Indiana. I’ve got about all I wanted out of Cincinnati and my average tenure in my last two cities has been 4 years.
All of this is rather scary right now, but I’m looking forward to the break, and hopefully writing a lot more. I think once I have a lot of variables resolved it will all be a lot better going forward. Till then, ugh, but at least I get more time for me.