Live from chemotherapy

Well I not only had my doctor follow-up today, but I arrived and was taken in early to my infusion treatment today. Despite being in the chair though for about an hour, apparently the bottleneck still lies in the pharmacy (or not they tell me). Last week though I didn’t get my drugs until about 5pm. If I get them started here shortly I could actually be out of here 4:30 instead of 6:30 like last week. I’m usually not even here by 2:10 let alone in the chair!

The takeaway from my doctor conversation is going to be summarized in the screen shot from my computer. I told him about freaking out on a recent Monday, and all over the other issues I’ve seemed to be plagued with in the past few weeks. We talked about a number of things including adjusting my meds, but I was handed a packet instead:

Screen Shot 2015-09-01 at 2.54.34 PM

My primary doctor had warned me about the emotional toll cancer/chemotherapy can take on people though I really never felt it really was.

But it is.

Yes, I’m doing remarkably well, but that doesn’t mean I can do this on my own because I’m better, Now there is talk of counselors, psychotherapy, and support groups. Of course what am I supposed to do when I throw my walls up sky high? 😦

I will admit I’ve had my bouts (though slight) of depression recently, and slowing down my activities has made it worse because as long as I stay active I don’t think about cancer, but when I stop I do. Yes, I’ve needed a much needed break recently from taking the activity too far, and I think I’ve recovered very well, but I need to avoid the other side of the coin of sitting idly by waiting for something to happen.

Grr..1h 20 m later in the chair still no drugs…

The one thing in this packet that I have to read, though I don’t want to, is the section “If cancer treatment stops working”. That’s the fear especially after beating the odds so overwhelmingly. That yeah, you got real lucky, but this is going to hang over your head for a long time, or until it actually hits. That’s the day I fear.

I just got hooked up!

I’m not sure what kind options or measures I’m going to make/change in the upcoming weeks, but my doctor put it best. “You’re already at the recognition stage, so whatever you have it won’t be a problem for long”. 🙂



About jeffbedel

Indiana native that moved to Cincinnati in January 2012. Former trivia host, beer snob, foodie, non-conformist.

Posted on September 1, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I think that I need a few beers before I can jump into this more fully… 🙂
    Stay strong. Take good meds. Control what you can. Fuck the rest.

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