“That Monday”: Part 1
I made a post awhile back about ‘more walking’. I got more obsessive about my calendar and starting squeezing a lot more activities in. The more I went out into these situations the more I started to drink at these social events. I was beginning to unravel and was at a dangerous road of exhaustion. I realized by time I went out to my first pre-season Bengals game with some co-workers on the Friday preceding ‘that Monday” I had done too much. I had no energy, I was dozing off in Paul Brown Stadium, and I could barely muster the few blocks I had to walk home that night from the stadium.
I was home that night a bit after 10pm and I slept till about 10 the next day. I drove back home to see family and go to a party with friends and neighbors. I had a great time, drank a bit much, and slept a fairly short night on my dad’s couch. I was back in Cincy by a bit after noon and the new approach to the crazy schedule I had been leading was put to a halt. No more walking just to get steps, no more late nights drinking; just a lot less more. The number one priority was to be significantly more rested come Monday morning.
Not only did I rest, but come Monday morning I felt so successful in my rest remedy I awoke before my alarm went off. That’s a good start, right?
My routine has been sending me to Graeter’s first thing for coffee and donuts. Already my first direct people interaction that morning was a failure. For whatever reason the guy at the coffee bar was running a chemistry experiment instead of getting his coffee and going. He was my first victim of the day, me telling him what I wrote a moment ago, “its coffee, not a chemistry experiment”. I just wanted to fill my cup, throw in my splash of half & half and go to work. Feathers ruffled already and it’s not even 8AM.
I’m sure within my first few minutes of work my face meant business, and once again I arrive at work super focused on my work. I don’t remember exactly what else probably went wrong that morning, but my paperwork I was sending to the printer/copier was not showing up on the server and/or simply not printing. It was really putting a dent in my work routine. Before 11, the copier didn’t just stop randomly make print jobs disappear, it just simply quit. Great, now I had to do less pleasant jobs I had been neglecting anyhow.
I made it to 11 on Monday which was a good thing. I had already been concerned over the weekend about my appetite, and now once again I was having that weird anxious feeling about my cancer making a significant turnaround. This has happened to me one other Monday a few months ago. It got to the point I actually went to the doctor on my lunch that Monday just to get a quick check-up. What I think happens to me on some Mondays is I get out of routine, I get dehydrated easily, and then perhaps my drugs in my system get concentrated which messes with my physical and emotional well-being. At the meeting when I was asked about my projects and workload, etc. I remember clearly stating, “everything is failing this morning’. Seriously, everything was going wrong. Strangely enough to foreshadow a bit we talked about the difficulty of trying to find someone to fill a position or two in our department. I spoke more in that meeting than all of the other meetings we’ve had combined. I was on it.
At noon it was time to leave the room. I usually take lunch at 12:45. Usually I sit and chill on my lunch, but unfortunately there were some groceries I needed, and instead of ‘walking’ after work, especially with potential plans later in the evening, I felt the need to go walk to Kroger in OTR on my lunch. What was better under my high-anxiety state; chilling or going for a walk?
I went for a walk. On city sidewalks. At lunchtime.