Indiana: The Backslide
I just spent my fourth consecutive weekend in Indiana. For the most part that is not a bad thing. At least I was going for entertainment purposes as opposed to the trips I took the past two years whenever I could to squeeze out as much time as possible to see my mom slowly pass away.
However, I need to have a conversation with Indiana for you see, we broke up over 7 years ago back in 2007. After a 34 year relationship I needed a change. Indiana had not delivered what I needed on a lot of levels, and we had politically grown apart as well. Despite all the connections and history we had together, I packed it all up and headed north to the lands of cheese, beer, and porn; Wisconsin. That move in reality and/or retrospect was just an indefinite business trip that ended by quitting one of the funnest things I had ever done in my life, hosting a trivia show. Wisconsin also gave me a safe distance from Indiana to a point her and I didn’t see each other in passing too often. Just a passing glance, barely a hello, yet with each visit she seemed to have a stranglehold on me. The next thing you know I moved closer, but we were not getting back together!
After nearly 5 years in Cheeseland it was onward to Cincinnati. It was basically like dating Indiana’s sister or best friend. She hated it, but had to accept it for what it worth no matter how bad she wanted me back. Those first few visits weren’t easy and then they eased off for awhile. But Indiana had a trick up her sleeve, and basically blackmailed me by using my mom to get me to come back more. It was ugly. Near the end the fights and bitterness was getting to be too much. When Indiana lost its trump card I finally felt a little free. I thought Indiana finally couldn’t control me anymore. But she works in mysterious ways.
There are holidays, and my ‘new’ dad; the one one was alone most of the time now, and when I found out my life sentence – Indiana was that object in the rear view mirror that was closer than it really appeared. The next thing you know I was visiting to watch football, and just to ‘get away’. Fortunately I better positioned myself with car access last summer when I knew mom was going to need more of my attention, but now that car access thing is out of control. I really need to stay with my new girl a bit more as she is being ignored in this whole co-dependency with Indiana.
So I had to swear to myself the other day I won’t visit Indiana this weekend. I’m going to stay with Cincy (cute nickname, huh?), and won’t see Indiana for 9 whole days.
I hope both Indiana and Cincy is OK with that, because I’m visiting Wisconsin in two weeks, and we have a history. Awww yeah….