Going through puberty again
Ever since things stabilized with my health after my diagnosis there has been one constant I’ve had to deal with – skin and hair issues.
I really never thought much about it just passing them off as side effects, nothing more. And that is all they are, side effects. A small issue to combat a serious disease. What is funny though is what happened at my doctor appointment on Tuesday. My oncologist who just lights up a room with his arrival asked and was concerned with my continued acne problem. It happens with every cycle and peaks between treatment two and three. So what, a few pimples, right? No, I wish. We are talking painful acne especially the mob that collects on my scalp. Yeah it makes my face look bad, but it doesn’t hurt. Anyhow, the funny doctor lamented ‘how’s it like going through puberty again?” I really never thought of it that way, but then it made sense.
After losing about 95% of my hair it has been slowly creeping back in the past month. My first concern was that my chemo had quit working since it wasn’t killing my hair anymore. My doctor says that’s nonsense. I’m sure he’s right, but I have my second scan and follow-up in about a month. The results of that one will be bigger than the last one. So anyhow back to the acne. It makes sense I guess that when we are going through puberty and body hair begins making an appearance is also the period when acne decides to make it’s notorious arrival. Now I don’t feel so bad about my recent affliction and I wear those zits like a badge now. I had purchased some stridex pads a couple months ago that helped some, but certainly not enough. This last appointment, given that it was bad enough to bring up in conversation again, the doctor suggested a prescription. I agreed and will be adding that to the mix of a million drugs next week.
Another thing puberty brings into our lives is dating. Unfortunately that made a repeat performance as well. After swearing dating off (actually before my diagnosis) it crept back into my mind and I opened myself up again to the idea.
It took less than a week to shut down that quest. It started off so well, but it ended in it’s usual classic way; for no good reason or total outright lies.
Ok, of the two encounters I quashed the second one. Don’t bitch about not being able to find a guy who can have a conversation if you can’t even form a word for a response.
So here is my diatribe though it won’t matter one bit.
We are motivated by and submit to fear and status to be happy. We are miserable because of it.
Couples can last a long time. 50+ years in many cases. Couples break up for a multitude of reasons, sometimes after many years. Sometimes after 50+. The point? Those break-ups are difficult, and though sometimes the reason is as simple, yet complex, as ‘we grew apart’; it is never one thing that causes it. One thing might trigger it, but after a slog of things that likely as built up until one party cracks. Fair assessment?
If a relationship should end that way, it should begin that way. I’m going to list a list of things that I’m sure I’m judged on with the ladies. This list may seem silly, but that is why it’s silly.
- Velcro wallet
- No car
- Never married
- Hates movies
- I don’t emulate pop culture (dress like a douchebag)
So in real life one might be turned off my one or a number of those things (all which are petty). Now if one is not attracted physically to another there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it. Sorry Charlie. But if you get past that attraction thing and you have good time, and you (as in she) proposes to go to a play the following night we have the foundation of a success story. What boggles my mind is when she cancels between proposing said first date and before ever going to the play. After a week went by I got curious and asked why? Her answer was in the list above. She knew this before proposing the second date. So even though she was being truthful about one thing, she was covering what the real reason was, otherwise she would have never made the suggestion, right?
You wouldn’t file divorce over your spouse hating movies, right? Then why would you cancel a date?
But geez, Jeff, you’re completely giving up after one date? No, it’s not because of one bad date. This has been the same ol’ story for 20+ years. To be honest I was so excited when she canceled. I did like her, but I wasn’t too keen about going to the play. I ended up going to the Reds game instead and they won!
I went to that game alone. I’m going to another game alone on Sunday. I went to a game with my sister, my nephew, and family friend this past week. I had a good time, but really, I’d rather been alone.
I’m happier alone. At home, at work, at the ballpark, at lunch, in the woods, in the desert, in the mountains, or in another country. I’m happier alone.
Why would I want to mess that up?