Defining my quiet side
Though my departure from my dream job four months ago still affects me deeply; the ripples and more so the lessons I’m learning are in the end I hope what is important.
I was glowing the day I got the job I have today. Not because of what I was doing, but because finally after living in this city for nearly two years I finally got an 8-5 M-F job downtown. Unfortunately all of the time and things I was expecting to do on my lunches and after work for the most part have not materialized. Two reason perhaps has hindered me from this; one is money. When I first started the job I was on the verge of losing everything, and it took me a couple of months to recover monetarily. Second it’s been one of the longest, coldest winters I’ve experienced in a long time. It’s not been inviting even once the money restraints were lifted. I’ve made it to a few events, but despite the cold the other reason I haven’t gone out is I’m not feeling socially available.
My banter at work is very limited, and mostly is with a co-worker that sits next to my cube. He made an effort to make small talk in the morning while we waited for the clock to strike 8, and sometimes we crossed paths on our lunch hour, but I was really closed off and mostly disturbed by him during these periods. Whether I was checking Facebook or Twitter, or playing a game on my phone I needed my solitude more than any other time in my life it seems. Fortunately with my new obsession, is what I’ll call it, with the Myers-Briggs types and Jung temperaments. I’ve been spending most of that solitude with books. Even on my bus rides to work I’d love to know what those regular riders I see daily think about me. I feel like the quietest and most unapproachable person on the bus. Predictable, quiet, yet unyielding to any small talk. Even for a few bad weather days a woman at my stop decided to get chatty about the weather. As I try to be receptive all I’m thinking is I want to listen to my music. She’s even pretty, articulate, and professional. But, I’m closed.
I was pleased and surprised my co-worker asked to go out for happy hour a few weeks ago. We’ve talked about craft beer some and agreed to go to a local microbrewery. Unfortunately I bumped into some from the old ‘Judge Judy’ camp that made me uncomfortable, but that’s another story. Despite being two quiet types hanging out for a couple of beers I was pleased to have the company and made me feel a little more in place with trying to survive in a socially networked world after cutting loose my first network I built in this city.
My declared INFJ personality is debatable in regards to NFJ part given some online tests I’ve taken, but the “I” (Introvert) part is a constant, and the portion of the type I’m researching currently. I’ve made several notes and discoveries regarding my past and present of being an introvert in an extroverted world.
I’ve took an author’s (Susan Cain) advice, and returned to the coffee shop to write/blog again. That’s where I’ve had the most success in the past anyhow.
PS…the only thing I ended up getting done was the above post at the coffee shop. Ironically enough it was TOO LOUD, and the internet connection kept going out; two really bad marks for a coffee shop.