Oh, hi.

Oh, hi visitors!

I woke up this morning thinking about two things for the most part; donuts and getting my haircut. I’m not sure why I was craving donuts so bad this morning. I woke up around 4:30 and tried to go back to sleep so I didn’t think about donuts anymore. Those damn things kept me awake for about three hours till I finally gave in and fed the craving. I went to Kroger about 8AM and got a cherry fritter and a Bavarian (custard) filled donut along with some chocolate milk. I finally went to sleep shortly after that concoction of sweetness. Unfortunately my need to catch the bus to get my haircut was put in jeopardy as I had hoped to catch the bus at 10AM. I woke up at 10:04 ish with Andy Griffith on TV instead. It’s OK, since I checked the bus schedule and opted for a later departure for the haircut. After much thought, and tweezing the white hairs out of my beard, I had a second look and admired how great my last haircut in Milwaukee was. It was so good that after a month it was still looking (almost) awesome. Given that my last post was about Milwaukee I decided I needed to connect the dots…segway into my recent Milwaukee trip. I didn’t get the haircut, yet (maybe next weekend).

After much processing (and a LOT of depression like moodiness) I decided that the last trip to Milwaukee will likely be my last. Seriously, after going to Oktoberfest alone most of the past few years, and then going there alone with the most recent one, it just sent waves through me that Milwaukee as a collective doesn’t want me there. It’s not YOUR fault, I’m just an odd duck. It kinda puts me in check to stick my head out here in Cincinnati and make friends, but I’m too stubborn for that. I’d rather try to make a friend and not have it last, instead of dying in my apartment. That’s how I’ve felt for the most part since I’ve moved here. It’s not because I’ve planned it that way; it’s just because I’ve been too busy or broke. Making that trip to Milwaukee was a HUGE sacrifice for me time and monetarily. I was very uneasy about making it, but there is only one way sometimes to know how your reception will be after you leave is just to show up. I did, and flat on my face is where I stood. Thanks.

Thanks to those who helped make my stay somewhat comfortable. I don’t know if you enjoyed your gifts. I’m usually not a “gifty” kinda a person.

Back to Cincinnati, the Reds lost in the Division Series and kinda left a hole in my heart (my heart is FULL of holes by the way). Still, it’s a small part of my being here of what I love. I’m applying for my new place in Over-The-Rhine on Monday. I’m checking out all of the new craft breweries in Cincinnati. I’m probably joining a mustard club tomorrow to meet some Germans; because I hate mustard. There is a street food festival I’m stoked about tomorrow. I might even become a Bengals fan. My NFL loyalty contract expires October 29th (I moved to Milwaukee 5 years ago that day).

I’ve felt like shit in the past month. I’ve gained some weight. Things overall are NOT good. But days like today, and in my sights keeps me positive. I’m choosing when and where I will sew the seeds of my future (happiness), and when things don’t grow I will not turn the soil again, but instead find another place to massage my heart.

I stand alone 4 days a week for nearly 9 hours with my thoughts. I’ve probably thought of each and every one of you to some capacity. If you could only know what I process through my head; it’d probably scare you.

I think about love mostly. It’s a horrible thing. That is all.


About jeffbedel

Indiana native that moved to Cincinnati in January 2012. Former trivia host, beer snob, foodie, non-conformist.

Posted on October 12, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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