Local woman gives endangered pandas a bright future.


After decades of the bamboo industry depleting nearly every last acre of bamboo in China for the needs of cheap crafty homemakers, and the like, the panda’s demise is almost certain without the help of scientists and volunteers to meet the growing needs of keeping America’s need for cute alive.

Despite tireless hours of practice of ‘grooming children’ at a state budget strapped school, and wearing scrubs nightly for low paying fashion shows, Milwaukeean Amanda Walker still finds time to travel to her socialist, ‘commie’, run panda farm in China to mostly smuggle bamboo from local Michael’s stores in the area back to where it belongs, in the mouths of hungry China-men, er, pandas.

“I tried to convince them (the pandas) that discarded christmas trees are a delicacy, but them bears are pretty damn smart”, Walker notes. “Turns out that anything that tinsel has come in contact with makes their eyes turn black”. It’s kinda cute, but I found that burning the trees much more favorable than transporting all those trees by a slow boat to China.

She attributes most of her financing as ‘confidential’, though it’s rumored that she made out big before the Nigerian bank account bubble burst. “The economy is really bad out there” she claims “but I’ll keep the fire burning here and carry a big bamboo stick!”

Currently the panda farm has three young pandas (give or take a screw) that has playground equipment and a deal with several internet stock photo sites for the desktop wallpaper industry to assure it’s financing.


About jeffbedel

Indiana native that moved to Cincinnati in January 2012. Former trivia host, beer snob, foodie, non-conformist.

Posted on January 19, 2012, in community, world, writings. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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