Changes in Motivation: A Summary of my 2011.
Granted there are about 20 days left in this year, but when reminiscing hits you better take care to let the words flow.
The biggest change of the year hit me this past week. I’ve been presented over and over again for the past several weeks/months to begin DJ’ing an all 80’s throwback show on Thursday nights at Vintage. Finally it came to fruition (I think) and I wasn’t interested any longer. Why? Drinking really isn’t a motivation for me any longer. Yeah, I still like to do it, especially when it’s free, but to remain in my current jean size (barely) I needed to find motivation to get my big ass back in the gym. So, since I don’t have cable, but the gym does, and my love for The Daily Show and the Colbert Report have only been sufficed at times through the occasional link via Facebook I figured, wah-lah, there is my reason to spend an hour in the gym. Well, I checked the times and fortunately/unfortunately the only time that seems feasible is at 8AM. Crap, you mean I have to set an alarm? Damnit! My other choices are the evenings when the gym is packed, and lastly 11PM and 1AM. Hell nah. So there we go. 8AM. But, drinking late at the bar (including trivia night) throws a wrench in this schedule. So I strangely find the importance in being in bed well before midnight instead of sucking down brews and playing music to some people I really don’t give a crap about anymore.
I haven’t been on a craft beer odyssey this year either. I haven’t purchased beer to take home in over two months. This is probably a direct result of learning how to actually save money in the past year. A year ago I purchased tickets to go to Germany and had one hell of an odyssey there. It also changed my life but in indirect ways that I never expected. To be vague I brought a lot of eggs over in my basket when I flew over, and I didn’t really come back with anything but shells on my way back. This kinda threw me into a frenzy and I hope it wasn’t my last one. It was a good one, but with really bad timing.
Crazy me decided though I was unemployed, and greatly unstable in many ways, to seek out a sitcom style concept of dating that would make TV execs/writers cringe. I dated about a dozen women in a matter of a few weeks and though I knew nobody (including me) would be left standing after the dust settled and felt after, and still now, like it was a last hurrah. A month or so after this debacle I went on one more date, a great one actually, and yet it produced nothing else. I quit. It was shortly after that moment I decided to stop trying to make something “happen” here and start rebuilding elsewhere closer to “home”. It was the final straw and I decided to move to Cincinnati. Yes ladies, you can have a life changing effect on a guy from one date.
Since then, it’s been a rather hard and lonely time. When you have nothing left to give in your place anymore it’s pointless to date and build friendships. What’s the motivation to go out? I really don’t even want to do the trivia show anymore because what’s the use is trying to build and maintain when it’s going to end, but I need the money. I do still like going out to watch the Packers, but even that seems disheartening going out pretty much alone. So yeah, it’s weird. My only motivation left right now is money which has never been a motivation for me before. I can’t wait to start working as a tax preparer in January. I hope I’ll be working 60+ hours a week. I hope I don’t have time for anything else but work. I hope I leave with a bundle of money so I can move comfortably to Cincinnati and actually do what I said without much thought to someone recently.
Ah, no…not like married or buying real estate stuff crazy shit settling down. Come on! 😛
More like relating to a place that I want to build the rest of my future in. A comfortable place close to my family (like I had posted previously). The next 5-6 months awaiting to date and build relationships again in a new place is going to be really hard for me during the rest of my tenure here in Milwaukee. All these words basically is to say one thing.
I feel really damn lonely.